Friday, October 16, 2015

15 Crazy (And Surprisingly Accurate) Predictors of The Next U.S. President.

Who will be the next U.S. President? Will Donald Trump lead us to a new era of restored prosperity? Will Jeb Bush take over the reigns that his father and brother held before? Or will Hillary continue the Clinton dynasty, or upstart Bernie Sanders shock the nation with a fresh start like Barack Obama did in 2008?

While you may think that we need to wait until the early morning hours after November 8, 2016 to find out who will be the 44th Commander in Chief of these United States, there are ways to predict who will be victorious.

In fact, our methods of predicting who will be the next U.S. President, and whether the Republicans or Democrats will seize power, has nothing to do with New Hampshire or Iowa, Quinnipiac polls or economic indicators. We’ll rely on 15 other weird, funny, and downright bizarre, but shockingly accurate, predictors of Presidential races:

1. Popular Halloween masks.
According to CNN Money, Halloween mask sales are a rock solid predictor of who will be elected the next U.S. president. In fact, whichever candidate sells more masks or costumes with their likeness has also won the presidential election going back to 1980.

Accuracy: 100%
Prediction: Donald Trump masks will be more prevalent than Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders masks, so the Republicans win.

2. Which candidate has better hair.
Since television became popular, starting with Kennedy beating out Nixon, the candidate with the better hair is almost entirely ensured to win the presidential election. In fact, Obama and his close-cropped haircut beat out a balding John McCain in our last election.

Accuracy: 100%
Prediction: It depends who runs!

3. The kid vote.
To educate and familiarize our children with Presidential elections, many elementary schools set up their own voting booths and conduct mock elections. Teachers collect and tally the results, announcing them to the children as a fun part of the learning process. But those results are also turned over to Scholastic News, who has published them in advance of the real Presidential election. Incredibly, the kids have polled for the correct president in 15 out of the last 17 elections. The only exceptions were in 1960 when our nation’s children chose Nixon over Kennedy, and in 1948 when they voted Thomas E. Dewey over Harry S. Truman.

Accuracy: 88%
Prediction: We’ll have to check the Scholastic News results early next year!

4. How the Los Angeles Lakers fare.
Nine times in history the Lakers were in the NBA championship series in the same year as a presidential election. They’re record in those finals is 5-4, but that’s not the predicting factor. The first eight times the Lakers were in the finals, Republicans won the presidency later that year, with a perfect 8-0 record.

Accuracy: 100%
Prediction: Since the Lakers have a broken-down, old Kobe and a bunch of rookies, it looks like the Democrats are a lock.

5. Oscar-winning movies.
This is an amazing predictor. During election years, take a look at which film won the Academy Award for Best Picture the year before. If the movie has a bummer, sad, or negative ending, the incumbent party will win the election. But if the movie has an upbeat or storybook happy ending, a new party will be in the White House.

Accuracy: 90%+

1975 Best Picture winner One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Bummer ending, so the incumbent party lost the presidential election the next year.

1979 Kramer vs. Kramer
Bummer ending, so the incumbent Democrats lost the Republicans won the presidential election the next year.

1983 Terms of Endearment
Family heals and comes together, the incumbent party wins.

1987 The Last Emperor
This is the only year that didn’t really work, since the communist system was restored at the end of the movie, but the incumbent lost.

1991 The Silence of the Lambs
Hannibal got away, so Incumbent loses.

1995 Braveheart
William Wallace may have met his demise but Scotland won her freedom.  The incumbent party won.

1999 American Beauty
The main character is murdered and things go from weird to catastrophic, which means the incumbent party lost.

2003 The Lord of the Rings
Our heroes are victorious and evil is defeated, which means the incumbent party wins.

2007 No Country For Old Men
The bad guy gets away with murder, and the incumbent party loses.

2011 The Artist
Happy ending, the incumbent won.

2015 Birdman
This film had a light, positive ending to a dark film so means the Democrats will win as the incumbent party!

6. The thickness of women’s eyebrows:
According to “Women’s Wear Daily,” in years that Republicans win, you’ll typically see thinner eyebrows and more red lipstick among ladies. However, in years a Democrat wins the presidential election, you’ll see bigger eyebrows and softer shades of lipstick.

Accuracy: Questionable at best
Prediction: Republican

7. Pick whomever Sylvia Browne doesn’t.
Do you remember The Montel Williams show? He had a psychic named Sylvia Browne who appeared on there from time to time. Every four years she would announce the winner of the presidential election months ahead of time, as reported to her by the spirits. The only problem was that Browne hasn’t been right yet.

Accuracy: 0% (or 100% if you pick against her)
Prediction: The Montell Williams show is no longer on the air, but years ago, Sylvia “The Psychic Who’s Always Wrong” Browne made a bold prediction that Hillary Clinton would never run. Hmmm…

Read part 2 of this blog where we cover the next eight Presidential race predictors, including the Redskins Rule, candidate height, and First Lady cookie recipes.

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